Reconnect - Resolve - Meow, Meow...

I am pretty sure that this is incoherent...

So, I got an e-mail from an old friend a couple days ago.

Stacy was one of the people who "looked after" me when I was in high school. She termed me the "prodigal son" when I came to stay with her, her husband and her daughter upon graduating high school.

To be honest, I hadn't really given any of this much thought, well, really I have tried to block out most of the memories from 1992-2000. At any rate. the e-mail brought back a flood of memories. This friend dropped everything to help out, was the first person that knew about my diabetes, she really took care of me at times. I could assuredly say that she made sure that I didn't do myself severe bodily harm for most of my adolescence.

I haven't seen her for 10 years. Like I said, I tried to block out most of that period of my life. We parted amicably, I kind of just left. I think that she knew that I needed to get my shit straight and she let me do that.

So, here I am, unable to sleep, thinking of 1996.

Driving my ill-gotten (later abandoned) Dodge Aries station wagon.

Sitting, smoking after midnight in the middle of nowhere Kansas.

Chasing cows back into the pasture.

Selling my mom's stuff in Lawrence.

Working at A & W. Maggie, Jared, and that blond girl yeah, her name was Lindsey.

Sitting from 1 am until dawn in the campanile.

Drinking way to much with Maggie and falling down the basement stairs.

Going to court the next morning.

CFD Data Corp.

Stockton Gala Days.

The Java Break.

Smoking, Smoking, Smoking.

Alcohol poisoning.

The peach polo shirt, blue thin tie, khaki pants, braided belt and "kilti" loafers that I wore all over Lawrence looking for a job.

Jen and that crazy girl she was friends with.

The car accident.

Applemart.

Sleeping all day.

Staying awake all night.

Eating at Burrito King.

Not being able to afford a soda.

Putting $00.47 worth of gas in my car.

Binge and Insulin Purge.

Nervous breakdown ticket.

et. al.

17 was a bad age for me. It has been a steady upward climb hence...

I hold no delusions of grandeur. I was stupid, probably a pathological liar, selfish and most definitely an ass. Despite all of this, I am here (despite what it seems were my best efforts at self-destruction), I have a fantastic family, and holy shit, I think I actually can stand myself.

Fast forward 10 years, given recent events, I made the decision to seek professional help. After aforementioned friend's brief resurface I began to talk to the professional about this period. She asks: "what is the significance?" Me: "not sure." Not sure, hmmm... Not really sure...

This will surely prove interesting...