Miss Teen USA or why I learned to love the bomb

I have a bit of a weight problem, not like I have to be carted out of the house with the help of a crane and the jaws of life, more like 30 pounds overweight. So, to remedy this I go to the Gym as often as possible. I try to run like 3 or 4 miles and do some weights. Over the past few months I have lost 15-or 20 pounds Huzzah!

I go to a 24 Hour Fitness, located in one of the healthiest parts of a very healthy city. This is all a setup for my story, fear not... At any rate, about a week ago I was jogging away, I decided that Mozart was not the most motavating music to jog by so I plugged in my headphones to soak up some free cable. Of course, there are like 7 different shades of crap to watch so I went for the craptacular, namely the Miss Teen USA pagent. I came in near the end of what must have been a rip-roaring, laxitave chugging, toilet puking good time, there in sunny Pasadena, CA. The five finalist were lined up on stage, first observation: how the hell are these girls Miss Teen USA? They look older than me and I am almost 30.

When I tuned in they were up to the stump the jail bait part of the competition. Poor Miss Virginia, they asked her why Americans are stupid. Her answer was more of an affirmation of the question than a response, incoherent babble. So the second question for Miss wherever was "Who do you prefer: Paris, Lindsey, or Nicole?" I almost pissed myself, these were supposed to be important questions, holy shit. Flash forward, Mario Lopez (why, oh God, why) was announcing the FABULOUS prizes, this is what got me. I was sure that there would be some sort of scholarship, not really. The winner recieves a wardrobe of hoe gear, an apartment in NY City for a year, a modeling contract and a year at a modeling and acting school. WTF, where the hell is Gloria Steinem? How is this possible? Oh wait, I forgot women are mearly sex objects, we have to groom them while they are young so that they will be ready to serve the manly needs of society (please note sarcasam)