Mozart - Regina Coeli C-Dur KV276

To Mom:

General Grumpy Christmas Musings!

It has been a while...

Here is the news:

1. We are in the midst of Christmas planning here in Hoyt Land. I have a love/hate relationship with the holiday here is the tally thus far:

Love:

• The birth of Jesus
• Children and the look in their eyes
• Decorating
• Getting off of work for two weeks
• Good will inspired in myself and others
• Midnight Mass and the hour of Lessons and Carols that I get to sing on Christmas Eve

Hate:

• The incessant singing of Handel's Messiah. I have a number of reasons for wanting Jesus to come back, the fact that my friends won't have to sing the Messiah at Christmas anymore...
• Snow and the bad driving that ensues here in Portland (don't get me wrong I don't mind the snow, just the people who feel the need to drive in it and ram their cars into each other.)
• Greed (I still am in shock that a man was trampled to death in WalMart and two people died in a shooting at Toys R Us)

I guess that I can handle the rest of Advent and the following season of Christmas (a note, Christmas is a season that begins at Midnight on December 25th and continues for 8 days to the solemnity of Mary the Mother of God, then the following Sunday is Epiphany and finally the Baptism of the Lord. The four weeks prior to all of this (the time we mark by trampling people to death is known as the season of Advent.)

2. At any rate, my curmudgeonly self is here and doing well the dear poodles continues to thrive and grow at an alarming rate, the wife is well and inspired with more Christmas (Advent) spirit than I...

3. Erin and I are still employed. Things are fine on that front for the moment, I do have to say that I am a bit worried as I work in the publishing world, and the religious publishing world at that. Let's hope that I can keep the health coverage for just a bit longer.
4. Still thinking about what else to write, been thinking about a great deal of things. Started a new type of therapy in which I try to truly feel the emotions of past experiences, not sure what to think as of yet and not ready to put pen to paper as of yet...

5. In a holding pattern with my sister Emillie's case, no news as of yet. This month marks the 4 year anniversary of her disappearance, hope to have some updates soon.

So, there it is. Life in a nutshell. I hope that you all are doing well, please do me a favor and boycott the singing of Handel's Messiah so that I can effectively plan a Christmas party that includes my musician friends!

Antiphon III

The gift of grace, torn from this thorned side is burden then bliss.

That thorn, though nature given, derides the weary soul, entreating each to his demise.

That we should wither in sin stained agony, as if it were not just one, but one thousand barbs choking flesh.

Yet, we are given knowledge to combat such bramble as man's heart invites.
The stained veil of scrupulosity used to wipe the wearied mind,
The thorn-crowned head stooped to view our soul's true cost,
Water from hallowed flank to cleanse the ailing mind.

Necessary fault, O happy inequity, that through exultant pain salvation should be born to most unworthy man.

All Fade Back to Zakk...

Panic Attackz, I haz um...

Tonight, I had a very odd experience that I have decided was a panic attack. I went to the store to pick up dinner, met a homeless man in the process came home and ate. Soon there after I can only describe the experience as skin-crawling discomfort, nausea, extreme depression etc. A phone call to therapist, cup of tea, talk with wife and back to relatively sane "normal" Zakk.

I am generally not prone to this type of behavior but a while back I did have a panic attack that was caused by some medication. At any rate, am back together... Not sure the trigger, Chinese food and homeless people? At any rate, let us pray that this does not happen again any time soon.

Antiphon II

The word, made flesh calls us as one.
Separate in body and mind, yet one in spirit.

Though shades oft compel the illusion of a fractured whole,
Glory's sun compels self to unite as substance within the glamor of accidents.

Compelled through man's first wrong to revel in what divides
We, through earthly treatment - ill and toil,
find solace not in imagined difference but in oneness.

As by Thy Son, faith's shades' dark night is dispelled,
We come to see not our worldly division, but more fully thy face reflected.

Antiphon I

Lord, Your sanctuary burns my sallow sin-stained skin its beauty pains my eyes

Your antiphon is too hard to sing it chokes my smoke-filled lungs

Your sacrifice stings my selfish heart

Your gifts are lost in my feeble grip


We, your chosen are lost, addled by our own device.
We cannot bear to take the withered hand, to heal the wounded heart.
Our sickened nobility built on brethren's pain and widow's mite.
We stand with vulgar pride upon the lives of better souls.
To conquer with cruel word and deed ourselves in shallow might.

Emillie Hoyt Is Missing

Emillie and Devotchka