King of Glory

Ok, so have you ever wondered what it is that I do at my job?

This is a pretty good example of a typical day

An open apology to my co-workers

Dear Co-Workers,

I have to apologize for my appearance lo these last few weeks. Well last Friday, Charlotte barfed on my shoes, I had to wear flip flops. Not a good choice, I know...

Today, my outfit is inexcusably bad. These pants are a bit saggy. The three shirts I am wearing are not a good mix. the shoes are very bad. Bad, bad bad...

You may have noticed in the past few weeks that I have begun to gain a bit of weight, the reason for this is primarily the quantity of doughnuts that I have been eating in proportion to the lack of exercise the quantity of anti-depressants and anti anxiety medication mixed with the large quantity of fat-growth hormone that is injected into my body via the million-dollar artificial pancreas that I have acquired.

This equation would look something like this

[(doughnuts/laziness quotient) + (lexapro+klonopin+apidra insulin) = fat] = bad dressing...

I am not as fat as I once was, but definitely need to reconsider one of the following two factors:
Clothing Size
Food Intake

Thus begins Zakk 2.0...

The joy of Hymns to the hymns of hymns... and others

Funny, a nun at my job and my therapist are both from St. Mary's College in Leavenworth, KS. This is the place where I spent a good bit of my time during high school, the college that my mother and brother both attended and the location where I took my first voice lesson. Odd...

Other odd things of late, well, mostly, my Job, I will summarize my verbal response to several "composers":

Hello ____________

Yes we did receive your composition "Sacred love of the heart of the
most sacred sacred places in the heart of sacredness"

Actually we have chosen not to publish you piece at this time, this
decision is not...

Mr. ________, I am not sure that that is a judgement that you are really
qualified to make considering that you have never seen my genitals...

Mr. ________, that is not a nice thing to say about my mother...

Mr. ________, you realize that we are a religious music publisher and this
is not helping your case...

Mr._________, could you please not take the Lord's name in vain...

etc.

Weird! Or how's about this one:

Ma'am, well part of the reason that we decided that we are unable to
publish your song has to do with the rhyming scheme, you see, the planet
Venus, is never mentioned in the Bible and therefore is rarely of need in a
Biblical hymnal thus eliminating the need for you to rhyme it with the
word "penis" in your song: "I Love you God!"

ODD...

Bonfire of my vanity...

Of late, I have been a bit anti-social. I am sorry, just a bit internal for the moment. Have been mulling over the phrase from Romans.

This reading from Romans, is used at the Easter Vigil. For those that don't know, the Vigil is really the pinnacle of the liturgical year. It is the night that people come into the Catholic Church, that the word Alleluia is re-introduced to the liturgy after 40 days absence. It is the remembrance of the "night" in which Christ was resurrected. The service is a tenebrae service, that begins with a bonfire outside of the church from which the Paschal Candle is lit. There are many readings and psalms and the Exultet is chanted. Really, it is the most amazingly earthy, paganesque ritual of the year. Faure surely referenced this when he spoke of the Church's primal, human roots.

One of the readings is:

"Are you not aware that we who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into His death? Through baptism into His death we were buried with Him, so that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might live a new life. If we have been united with Him through likeness to His death, so shall we be through a like resurrection." —Romans 6:3-5

I know, a lot of God in this one,stay with me...

This year's Easter Vigil was special for me. To be honest, I generally do not like the service, it is long (more than 3 hours.) It is late (duh), and generally it is cheese-tastic. This year it was different. I walked away with that phrase "Are you not aware" ringing in my head and not for the reasons that you who know me might assume.

I keep coming back to the thought that in our everyday life this phrase could be said to anyone: Thus "are you not aware..." and that simple sentence could give us a real insight into each other.

Cue cheesy REM music:

all of us have something so profound that changes us so much that it continues to effect us on a daily basis. Sometimes in the smallest of ways, and with the smallest of thing we are left vulnerable, wanting to say "are you not aware..." to those around us, just so that they could understand some piece of who we are.

This of course can be good or bad, for instance:

Are you not aware that my family keeps me alive and is the best thing to ever happen to me?

or conversely,

Are you not aware that ___________, and it hurts me so bad that I want to fall down weeping at your feet?

The letter to the Romans is expressing the same thing, a revelation whose conclusion should change you (this is not a religious thing, I promise.)

I want to try to put this into play as I interact with other people, when angry or frustrated, hatred or the like, I want to think about that person's revelation, what that person probably wants to express but can't.

Let them eat wallpaper...

There is a reason that wallpaper has gone out of fashion... I recently took it upon myself to wallpaper the inside of a little french provincial china cabinet. It was perhaps not such a good idea to use a wallpaper with a 36 inch repeat with a HUGE botanical pattern. Needless to say it turned out quite lovely, however, there was a great deal of cussing etc.

I got the wallpaper from Miller paint, a remnant of a fabulous Brunswig and Fils for $10, marvelous! At any rate, I had the opportunity to touch De Gourney, hand-painted silk wallpaper that retails for $1000 per panel (not roll! A 36 inch panel...)

I priced Zuber paper, you know the stuff that got Jackie O in trouble in her redecoration of the White House . You would not even believe the price... Holy shit!

Sorry, had to dork out for a moment. Carry on...

My name is Zakk, and I am an addict...

I think I have a problem...

You see, I like to adopt stray furniture and home accessories. I find them laying about in the trash, at the Goodwill and on Craigslist.

It started with the delusions of a business some time ago. This has never really worked out, you see I have trouble letting go, I mean really, they are like little children, they might feel abandoned...

In the end, our house is rather fantastic, most of our furniture came via the trash or Craigslist. I have painted and polished, sewn and re-wired this place into a veritable frenzy of domesticity. From the $150 Chippendale sofa, to the collection of vintage furniture gleaned from a woman moving to Texas FREE, to our $250 6'3" grand piano. Really, who couldn't pass up prices like these?

I can't help it if one of my greatest joys in life is polishing vintage silver scored at the Goodwill! Who are you to judge me!

(Don't tell my wife, there are two vintage chandeliers hiding in the crawlspace... She doesn't need to know! They were free, jeeze...)

The pine bed frame in the back of the Volvo just needs a coat of paint! Don't touch that buffet, it just needs some TLC, come on ! I am recycling...

Don't worry, I am seeking help...

Vague and Nonsensical

It is interesting how seemingly un-connected people can be of great help. I recently called a person who had no need to return my call. This person is peripherally connected to Emillie's disappearance. His name came to me through a weird twist of fate and 35 dollars paid to the Florida State Department of Vital records.

His name and address was listed on a document, a quick web search and there was his phone number. It took a minute, but I called and left a message detailing the situation and trying to connect his name to my sister, I then hung up.

I did not expect to get a call back, after all, who am I to dredge up something painful from his past in an effort to shed some light on something painful in my present. Alas, at 3 this afternoon, he called. He connected some dots and asked for Emillie's picture. He, did not know her but said that he would be glad to help.

There were a few epiphanies, enlightening moments into the character of Emillie's Floridian companion. A little information about the woman that connected said companion to my sister and that was all.

I e-mailed the pictures tonight. Funny, how a person so far removed can be so present.

That last statement could refer to the man who called me today, it could also refer to my sister whom I know so little about.

In this process I have found out so many things about so many different people, none of them related to me. So little of this knowledge falls into my usual categories of interest, not sure where to file at this point. Just odd and sad.

I am sorry if this is stupidly obtuse and vague, but, well, consider the source...